It’s been quite a while since I wrote an update, so today on my day off I thought that I would do just that.
Reflecting on these last few months, they’ve been nothing but crazy busy. Between working nearly forty hours a week, deciding that I do in fact want to go to University come summer, trying to write my application and attempting to not doubt myself, I’m still finding time for myself like today.
I had a counselling appointment at nine this morning, then treated myself to breakfast and now I’m in a cute little coffee shop with a cup of tea in hand writing this for you.
While I have been finding time for myself, I guess you could say that I am at a bit of crossroad with my job and life in general. A promotion is nearly right at my fingertips and now I’m beginning to get cold feet. For the past few moths since I got to my new store, the management team has been shaping me up to be a supervisor, and while I was overjoyed about the opportunity at first, I’m now scared that it’s not what I want.
I originally wasn’t set on whether or not I wanted to go to school right away, let alone what I wanted to do there. Now that I do want to go, I realize how much more stress this promotion would bring in to my life, and I honestly don’t know if I would be able to leave work, at work where it should be. I’m trying to weigh the pro’s and the con’s of a two dollar pay increase and a higher level of involvement at the store and the exceedingly stressful situations that being a supervisor could put me in to.
This whole application business is throwing me through a loop as well because I barely have over a month to complete it which probably seems like an excessive amount of time to a normal human being, but to me, that’s not long at all. Maybe it’s a good thing that I don’t have three months to go over my answers to these questions over and over again until I know the words that I’ve written down by heart. I mean, it definitely is a good thing that I don’t have the ability to do that.
I know that I have the capability to get in to the school and succeed, but it’s a matter of getting there and having the confidence in knowing that I am indeed, good enough.
I now at long last have an established time and day that I’ll be seeing my counsellor here, which comes as a huge wave of relief as I’ve just been too busy to be going regularly. I forgot how much I genuinely enjoy my counselling appointments. They help me understand why I react a certain way to things that happen to me, and how I can better myself as a human.
A few weeks back I returned to Victoria for the first time since I left and I honestly didn’t gain a whole lot of positive from the trip. By all means it was amazing to see my best friends back there; Emily and Matt, if you’re reading this I love you both so much and I hold you so close and dear to my heart. The both of you hold so much value on this earth and I cannot wait to see what it holds for the both of you and us, together.
While in Victoria, Emily and I both got new piercings that we had been wanting for quite some time. I was scared as hell and nearly chickened out, but thank god Emily didn’t give me a choice once we flipped a coin to see who would go first and she’d lost. I’m so happy with my newly decorated Tragus and
I’m proud of myself for going through with it.
By going back to Victoria, I reassured myself that I did make the right decision to pick up and leave. Being there is so hard for me. I felt and still do feel like I’m constantly being watched and it’s an indescribable, unsettling feeling that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
I’m so glad that I did decide to move here. While there have been difficult moments, I’m just overall a much happier, healthier human being.
I know that this hasn’t really been a helpful post, or on anything in particular but I honestly feel like I am at a crossroad, and I’m making a lot of major life decisions and I wanted you to know what I have been getting up to.
I want to remind you all that I’m open to suggestions on why to write about, my inbox is open and I hope you drop some.
All my love,