Being sexy AND traumatized

This whole post requires a trigger warning, and is hard to write myself. If you have been assaulted, abused or harassed in any way, this post could be very triggering. So please, take care of yourself. 

 


 

Ahh my first post about sex.

It’s a natural thing,

It feels great and it’s fun as fuck.

But when you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted,

it’s a whole other ball game.

It’s like being colour blind.

You see everything black and white, while everyone else can see the colour around them.

You only see sex as a scary thing, there is no fun in it, there is no pleasure. There is no colour.

And no one else can understand that you don’t see the beautiful colours like you used to.

And I hate that.

So much of me is furious with my perpetrator for ruining this great thing for me.

He’s everywhere, in every situation I’m in.

He’s there nagging at me when I want to be intimate with someone saying

“He’s going to force you in to fucking him”

And it makes me so god damn mad that almost three years later, I still have those intrusive thoughts.

Trust is huge for me.

I’m generally pretty open talking about my assault, and if I’m comfortable I’ll usually tell people that I’ve had a really bad experience with sex driven activities, and that

consent is huge for me. 

I’ll ask YOU if you’re okay.

And I’ll expect YOU to do the same.

even if you have no idea of what I’ve been through.

I strongly believe that communication is key to ANY relationship. 

and for the love of god,

TRUST YOUR DAMN

INSTINCTS,

because more often than not, they’re probably right.

Tell someone that they’re making you uncomfortable if they are. 

Get the hell out of the situation that’s making you uncomfortable.

Call someone you trust if you need to get out of a situation.

TAKE CARE OF

YOURSELF.

Something that I try to tell myself is:

If you feel safe and comfortable with someone,

  • You’re allowed to feel good and happy.
  • You’re allowed to feel pleasure.
  • You’re allowed to enjoy yourself in the moment that you’re in. 

Be patient with yourself,

 

You deserve to feel safety

and happiness,

 

And you will someday.

 

All my love

-Megan xx

 

 

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